'Apple Macintosh' - An anagram of 'Complaints Heap'

A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without bricks tied to its head.

A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting.

Beat me, whip me, make me use Windows!

Beta : Latin for "still doesn't work".

Claiming that your operating system is the best in the world because more people use it is like saying McDonalds makes the best food in the world.

Customer: I'm running Windows '98
Tech: Yes.
Customer: My computer isn't working now.
Tech: Yes, you said that.

DOS never says "Excellent filename or command".

Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.

Error reading drive C. Abort, Retry, Ignore, Get Linux?

Eunuchs, the non-gender-specific OS.

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...

Failure is not acceptable. It comes bundled with Windows.

Fixing Unix is easier than living with NT.
- Jonathan Gilpin

For evil to triumph it is only necessary for good men to buy Microsoft. (Seen on alt.os.linux.caldera)

Hey, what does this reset butto

Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

"Historically speaking, the presence of wheels in Unix has never precluded their reinvention." - Larry Wall

I don't do .INI, .BAT, or .SYS files. I don't assign apps to files... I don't configure peripherals or networks before using them... I have a computer to do all that... I have a Macintosh.

"If the Start Windows Restart when Windows starts check box is checked Windows Restart will start automatically every time Windows is started." - Actual excerpt from a windows program help file!

I heard on the news last night that Bill Gates and his wife are expecting a baby in June. I'm betting that baby will be late.

Intel Inside: The world's most commonly used warning label.

Linux means productivity and fun. NT means 'Not Today'.

Linux renders ships. NT is rendering ships useless...

Linux. The choice of a GNU generation.

Linux: The smack in the face that Windows gripers have been begging for these past 10 years...

Love is Hate. War is Peace. Windows is stable.

Lunix... because I'm better than you.

M.A.C.I.N.T.O.S.H. - Machine Always Crashes, If Not, The Operating System Hangs.

Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. 'No' is the answer!

Microsoft manager to programmer: You start coding. I'll go find out what they want.

Microsoft mentality: If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.

Microsoft Windows: computing While U Wait,

Microsoft Windows: Proof that P.T. Barnum was correct.

Name one nice thing about Windows? It doesn't just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.

OS/2 - Half an operating system.

Regarding security, WindowsNT is an OS with a 'Kick me' sign stuck on it's back.

Sometimes I think about going to the gym and working out in order to impress women, but hey, that's why I learned UNIX.

The big difference between UNIX and VMS: To do anything on UNIX, you need to know an obscure command. To do anything on VMS, you need to know an obscure option to SET.

"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence." -Jeremy S. Anderson

The software said Windows95 or better, so I got a Mac...

This is Linux country. If you listen carefully, you can hear Windows reboot...

UNIX is an operating system, OS/2 is half an operating system, Windows is a shell, and DOS is a boot partition virus.
- Peter H. Coffin

UNIX: It's not just 'User-Unfriendly', it's 'Proactively User-Hostile' !

"Unix is simple, but it takes a genius to understand the simplicity." - Dennis Ritchie

Unix is the answer, but only if you phrase the question very carefully.

Unix is user friendly - it's just picky about it's friends.

"...Unix, MS-DOS, and Windows NT (also known as the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly)."

VMS is a text-only adventure game. If you win you can use Unix. - W. davidson

We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

When the grammar checker identifies an error, it suggests a correction and can even makes some changes for you. - Microsoft Word for Windows 2.0 User's Guide.

When you open Windows...BUGS GET IN!!!

Windows 3.1 - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.

Windows Errors:
Broken window. Watch out for glass fragments.
Door locked. Try control-alt-delete.
Dynamic linking error. Your mistake is now in every file.
Erronious error. Nothing wrong.
Error recording error codes. Remaining errors lost.
Horrible bug encountered. God knows what happened.
Illegal error. Do not get this error.
Keyboard locked. Try anything you can think of.
Multitasking attempted. System confused.
Nonexistent error - This cannot really be happening.
Operating system overwritten. Terribly sorry.
Promotional literature overflow. Mailbox full.
This error is reserved for future mistakes.
Too many windows open, causing draft.
Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.
WIN.COM halted; Bill Gates was wrong - 640K is not enough.

Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something.

Windows: Just another pane in the glass.

W.I.N.D.O.W.S - Will Install Necessary Drivers, Or Won't Start.

You're *such* a mac person.

Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now? [ OK ]